I’ve been sort of anxious about Colin. I’m starting to doubt myself and what I am capable of giving to someone right now. I’m still struggling with figuring out what I need to give myself. I am certainly in no place to settle down and be someone’s wife or mother. I need to be someone’s boss first!
So when my friend (and trainer) Elaine and her boyfriend (and trainer) Roger decided that they wanted to make a love match between myself and one of Roger’s very cute clients I didn’t really protest too strongly. I originally met David a few weeks ago at the boxing gym where we both train (yes, I am a boxer)—he was finishing up a session with Roger and I was just running into my session with Elaine. We introduced ourselves and went our separate ways. Shortly after our meeting, Roger came back over to tell Elaine something. When he walked away, Elaine turned to me and says: “Roger’s client thinks you are so beautiful!” I was totally taken aback. I had barely even noticed him, and besides that, I was in gym clothes, hair back in a sloppy ponytail, no makeup. Why he thought that version of me was beautiful was beyond me. But I sort of liked it. And so Elaine and Roger began plotting, I didn’t fight it. David and I kept bumping into each other at the gym, until finally, on Friday we spoke. When I walked into the building where our gym was and saw him standing there by the elevator I felt momentarily panicked. I wasn’t prepared for that! My first thought was “Dammit, Elaine! You switched my session time on purpose!”
We started nervously chatting about ridiculous things—like Roger and Elaine. We both went upstairs and had out respective workouts. David is pretty fucking HOT. Watching him do push ups was pretty awesome, I’m not going to lie. He has an amazing body, great hair, amazing smile. I was sort of distracted for my entire workout. When we were all done, the four of us stood around talking. David and I ended up sitting down on one of the mats together and talking. He’s got an Aero-Space Engineering degree but felt pressured to go into that field from his family (he apparently comes from a long line of rocket scientists). He “got into wine not too long ago” and now bartends at Bergdorf Goodman (GASP!). Jokingly, I asked him if he could get me a discount and he said absolutely. If I ever want anything for 35% off at Bergdorf’s I should just let him know. LOVE. Before we went our separate ways he asked for my card. I happily gave it to him.
Friday night I met up with Colin for dinner. He had to work late because he was preparing for a weekend shoot up at Hunter mountain. The fact that I knew he wasn’t going to be around for the weekend, Valentine’s weekend no less, was a huge relief to me. I am trying to be conscious of not spending too much time with him. We had a lovely dinner, over which I realized that I’m not sure we have so much to talk about. Colin is consumed by his work, by the industry—I can understand why he’s 37 and unmarried. He’s obsessed with work. After dinner, we went back to his apartment where he packed for the weekend and we watched the Olympics opening ceremonies. It was nice. I feel comfortable with him, I just don’t think there’s much else there.
I don’t think I’m going to panic about this until he wants to have a conversation about what we are, or where this is going. I’m enjoying whatever it is that we are doing right now, but I totally am starting to recognize that I am not ready for this at all. It’s fun to think about playing house, but it’s completely anxiety-inducing to consider it as an actual option. For now, I think I’d like to remain an almost-27-year-old commitment phobe who absolutely adores sexy men. That’s fine, right?!?
